To Be A Republican Today, You Must Believe That . .

A friend sent this today:

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and
a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but
trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international
harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies,
then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing
health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at
heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable
offense.
A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is
solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers
for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft
can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to
adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest,
but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

School Days/Old Home Week

Time to get my 24 classroom hours to maintain my license, so I did what I allus do, forked over the money to Big Bucks Bill Gray, a not especially bright man who got incredibly lucky with his real estate school.

These biennial sessions are as close as I care to be to Abu Graib.  Harrassed by dolts wielding your professional future.  Most teachers are from the "I am wonderful and I can't wait to tell you all about it" method of instruction.  It can't be easy standing for three hours in front of fifteen people who can't wait for Mickey's big hand to get a move on.

Cool Bonus!  My old bud JoAnne, from when I was one of Ida's Girls, shared two classes with me.  Damn it was fun to see her.  She picked right up on insulting me as if she had just been waiting to bump into me some place.  She's as feisty and mischevious as ever.  Lucky she didn't get us booted.  Seeing her made me realize I hadn't had lunch with Kilometers for quite a while, so we exchanged e-mails, I thought.  Claims he didn't get my last confirmation which is why I got to drive down to Inverness, snark at Suzie, and read an entire Smithsonian magazine waiting for him to show.  Place was preternaturally quiet, eerie.  My memories are of an office with so much noise and hubub it was hard to get much work done.  The fact that most of that noise was coming from my office does not dissuade.

The Tripletts of Bellville

This is the sweetest, most exhilirating movie I've seen in ages.  I've fallen in love, and I don't even know the woman's name.  I absolutely offer anyone ten dollars if they can say they didn't laugh out loud when first a triplet goes "fishing."  What fun!

Fathers' Day

Brought the Blue Goliath along for golf with the boys.  Hit a bucket beforehand and every single drive went straight and far.  Almost every single drive.  I was so ready. 

Already given it away, haven't I?  Long story short: have renamed BG as Mr. Magoo.

Did win twoputt pots (front side and overall) and got paid by all for a birdie 2 that was the closest to a hole-in-one I've ever had.  That whining sniveler Larry talked me into giving him one stroke too many so I lost my bet with him.

Got home shortly after Clan Schwoopie had already dampened my doorstep.  In the pool was much hilarity and repeatedly one particularly piercing high-pitched scream which lacked much as a smidgeon of anything but pure joy.  Was given a marvelous mouse pad with the grandkids' beaming countenances.  Pretty damn fine day all around.  Lucky, lucky guy.

Minor Miscreant Or Bad Seed?

Brrrrrrinnnnnnnnnnng

"Dad!  You won't guess what!"

"Don't tell me that fool ambulance driver parked within a hundred yards of the . ......."

"Almost.  Gabe was in the principal's office again today.  He and (name excised) were throwing rocks over the fence again."

Said miscreant and aggrieved mother arrive.  I sit the kid down and affix my most baleful stare - my way of initiating a man-to-man.  He's uncomfortable, but unrepentant.  I talk of personal responsibility and sanctions.  Of owning up to wrongdoing and learning from mistakes.  Then his mother comes back into the room, stands over my shoulder.  He removes his attention from me and starts doing the eyebrow thing to his mother.  She holds out for about, oh, maybe a minute, probably less, then snorts, giggles and says "You are sooooo cute!  You crack me up!!" 

Kid gives me the "Who do you think won this round, old man?" look.  Oh, I know, I know.

 

Little Capone

Shawnee arrives to pick up the kids from Montessori, is greeted by Bella with the news that "Mommy!!  Gabie's in Big Trouble!!"  Finds grandson-of-mine being interrogated by the Poelees. 

Seems he and a couple buds had a game of Who Can Make The Biggest Noise Banging Rocks Off Yonder Ambulance.  Suspect but not certain that my little man scored the winning toss which took out a window of said emergency vehicle, whose driver called the cops.

Kid is a prodigy.  Think his granddad was already nine before he got taken downtown.  Pretty sure that was the first time.

Freud Be Damned

Daughter Dearest:  Dad, I had the most horrible dream about you last night.

Me:  Tell me.

DD:  You were on a homicidal rampage and killed Mom!  Cut off her head!

Me:  Oh dear.

DD:  And then you came after me!!!

Me:  In my dream, you're first.

DD:  Awww, that's so sweet!

Monday Golf

Words don't often fail me, but describing my Dobson performance Monday morning is daunting.  For lack of a better word, I was magnificent.

Par on the first hole, bogey, double bogey, par - any way, one birdie and a 90 for the round.  Beat Larry by 17 strokes, not that I'm counting.  Not that I'll remind him.