. . . And A Time To Refrain From

You'd a been so proud of me.

Was rummaging about in the Fasteners Dept at Home Depot, looking for longer screws than came with the knobs She wants installed on every freaking drawer and cabinet in the Hive. (The drawers have double thick front panels and the included screws are for 3/4" board.)

A bespectacled young woman in an orange bib with what appear to be a couple of rambunctious puppies wrestling under it offers to help.

"I'm looking for this screw, but longer," I begins, showing the palm of my hand, being charitable and cautious.

"That's an 8-32, but I need to know your length," she murmurs.

Pause. Reflection. The sensation of my teeth clamping down on my tongue. My throat seems to need clearing.

But I was strong. I said nothing, other than "Aha! There they are" and continued unassisted to the appropriate shelf.

But that was a close one.

Weas Culpa

Thanks to my brother for passing this along -

Dear World:

The United States of America, your quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for its 2001-2008 service outage.

The technical fault that led to this eight-year service interruption has been located. Replacement components were ordered Tuesday, November 4th, 2008, and have begun arriving. Early tests of the new equipment indicate that it is functioning correctly and we expect it to be fully operational by the end of January.

We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage and we look forward to resuming full service -- and hopefully even improving it in the years to come. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Very Truly Yours,

The USA

High Honey, We're Home

I'd mentioned that we had a hard time getting the former owner moved out timely. He's finally gone, except for his horses, but some of the previous residents didn't get the memo.

But things are coming along at the Honey Factory. The interior walls and ceilings are all painted; I detail vacuumed 12 of the 15 ceiling fans, none of which had been dusted in their first five years. The carpet's on order and we're less than a month from moving in. We think.

Here are another couple views from The Aerie (name pending, subject to management's approval).

The Habitual Procrastinator's Wife

Me: I'm quite proud of myself! I've already finished and mailed my year-end reports to my owners and accountants!

Her: That's great, honey. Which year?