This is true. Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and George W Bush were each asked what they felt was the most notable accomplishment of their respective presidential terms. Jimmy Carter said "The Camp David accords." Bill Clinton said "Achieving peace in the Balkans." President Bush said his most notable accomplishment was "Catching a seven and a half pound perch in my lake."
He's likely right.
One of the less salubrious aspects of advancing age is the discovery that many of the tenets you've held onto forever are wrong. Example 1: "What you see is what you get" - now there's all this Dark Matter and Dark Energy that nobody can see; Ex 2: "Bigger is better" - now comes Miss Pamela Anderson; Ex 3: "All Conservatives are stupid" - now there's - - - there was somebody, and it wasn't that long ago, I don't remember exactly - - - but I think that one could be wrong, too (though John Stuart Mill was on the money when he said that while not all conservatives are stupid people, all stupid people are conservatives).
Anyway, I've always held that it's virtuallly impossible to spoil any child, and that it's absolutely impossible to spoil your grandchildren. At least not my grandchildren. But compelling evidence to the contrary arose this past Christmas Eve, when the seats-down capacities of a Durango and a Suburban were required to haul the loot home from Nanagrampa's. And this was after a preemptory Suburban delivery two days earlier! There was not even enough room but that a separate vehicle was required to bring home the son-in-law and both headphone-clad dvd watching grandchildren.
To put a gilded frame around the picture: as the grandkids wearily wended their way wading hip-deep through shredded wrapping paper and boxes and ribbons toward the front door that beckoned them homeward, my beloved gap toothed grandson paused before me, looked up, and without a hint of irony queried, "That all you got?"
Full Disclosure Paragraph: Grampa was pretty spoiled too, with a wonderous Bose surround sound system and the Woodstock director's cut.
Honestly, how many times have you attended a ballgame or concert or church service and thought to yourself, “Seven bucks for a draft?” or “Wow, this line goes on forever” or “Hosanna in the highest, my hairy backside! What I need right now is 80 ounces of beer”?
Thanks to the good people at Underdevelopment of Reno, Nev., creators of the Beerbelly, things are looking up. The Beerbelly is an elegantly simple invention consisting of a neoprene sling that wraps around your neck and waist, much like a baby Snugli, and a puncture-resistant polyurethane bladder that rests inside the Snugli and can hold more than a six-pack of beer. When the whole thing is worn under a large shirt or jacket (or, as the Beerbelly Web site specifically recommends for the ladies, a pair of overalls), you look no different from any fun-loving American fending off morbid obesity — albeit one with a tube emerging from beneath your clothes, from which you are furtively sucking gulps of concealed alcohol. (For less obtrusive use, the creators recommend lowering your zipper and running the tube down and out through your pants, in order to dispense your beer into a cup.)
Whichever method you choose, Underdevelopment’s claim that you can now drink “what you want, when you want, where you want” is undeniable. And while it stands to reason that the guy who’s eager to walk around with 80 ounces of beer under his Spuds MacKenzie sweatshirt might not be so finicky about the temperature at which he enjoys his beverage, the company also sells a Beerbelly Ice Pack Pleasure Extender, which keeps the bladder cold for an additional three hours. So rejoice, people who yearn to drink beer every waking moment of your lives! The days of getting gouged for stadium drafts and waiting with suckers in the slow lines and suffering through a solid hour of nonalcoholic worship are over.
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