Banking Follies

Between the two of us we have five business accounts, plus our personal checking, savings and home equity with Bank of America.  I am no stranger, then, to any of the bank's employees, even though they turn some of them over pretty quick.  I have my favorites, Tara, Rajneesh, Lindsey, women that you can tell have something going on in there - the eyes are the windows to the soul.

But B of A has this really annoying campaign to "personalize" the banking experience.  This means that even if you've been in the line earlier in the day, the newbies introduce themselves, all sparkly, perky, as if they had such an effervescent personality they just are unable to keep it pent up any longer. and if that's not enough, they feel they have to inquire as to your general gemutlichkeit of the day, how it's going, your opinion of the weather (as if we have weather) and occasionally, what your future portends.

Yesterday I was in no mood.  My tellers were busy, and I didn't want to wait, I allowed myself to be shunted to a rookie.  I was wearing my Suns ball cap, so Jamey, "Hi!! I'm Jamey!  How may I assist you today?!" seemingly at the very top of her game, asks "So!  Do you watch the Suns a lot?!!"  "yeah"  "Did you see that Steve Nash cut all his hair off?!!"  "yeah"  Then came the one I was waiting for:  "So!!  Any big plans for the weekend?!!" 

Now I'm all smiles:  "Nothing I can't change.  What did you have in mind?"

Have you seen on the Nature programs how an octopus can change its color and shading like twenty times a second?  This poor young thang was about to sprout tentacles.  The molten color just erupted like lava up her shapely neck past her comely chin, till her cheekbones were awash.  She took half a step backwards, blinking furiously, and then Tara leaned over from the adjacent window.  "That's Lyle"  she said.