And We Call It Golf

(Email from the host)

All invitations have been extended and the host committee is pleased to announce an extraordinary field for this inaugural event. The headliners include:

Gxxxx, The First Five Putts are For Range and Then I Get Serious, Mxxxxxxx (stay tuned for an announcement on his putting clinic); Tom, Whining for Strokes, Bxxx; Tom, No These are Not Pajamas, They are My Favorite Golf Slacks, Bxxxxxx; Larry Mxxx, reigning champion of the Resort Classic last played at White Witch in Jamaica; and the 305th place player on the 1972 LPGA money list, Lyla, I Need an Operation, Sxxxxxx.

The Logistics Manual with all of the important travel details and tips you will want at you fingertips is drafted but has been delayed in production. Apparently in is in queue after Volumes 1 and 2 of the Abridged Invitational Rules with foreword by the master of rules, Mr. Ponicki the Pole. The Logistics Manual and each Rules Volume is sold separately for $19.99 but as a Founding Member you can reserve your complete souvenir set if you act now for only $29.99. Operators are standing by to assist with your order. The Logistics Manual will include details on all of the following and much, much more:

North bound travel: Mxxx and Bxxxxxx approved for take off late Friday afternoon from Las Sendas. Open seat available for Boyd if the time is suitable for his needs but he may want a separate get away vehicle. Mac and Swen otherwise engaged Friday late and will arrive at the first tee at the appointed time. GPS will likely be involved for a successful arrival.

Prelim round: 11:00 at Silver Creek with 5some format approved. Competitors to nominate interesting 5some wagers and to select all that apply before the first striking of a ball. A modified Captain and Pig is under consideration but additional proposals are encouraged. Final determination will likely involve whining, crying and other childish acts.

Post round: Drinking and carrying on. Perhaps a game of Corn Hole at the Fun House. Rules provided by Ponicki the Pole even though he knows little of the game.

Dinner: steaks fried by that player with the highest putt count for the day. Food provisions to be pre-purchased by the host committee and the hat passed.

Surprise evening entertainment: sponsored by Gxxxxxx.

Sunday coffee at 7:00 AM if the 5 knuckle heads can operate Donna's new coffee maker. It resembles a '57 Plymouth dash board with push button tranny. If the coffee maker is uncooperative Bloody Marys will be substituted. Full and balanced breakfasts including donuts and candy bars available at Circle K a short sprint from the Fun House.

Final round: 8:30 at Concho Valley, 5some permitted but the Whiner anticipates a cash shortage and possible need to head down the hill early.

Adult beverages: BYOB for those that have a particular flavor but well brands and Rolling Rock available.

Post round: lunch, one for the road and purchasing lottery tickets for fire arms. Travel home.

Cookie snacks on the course: by Gxxxxxx. He picks them up wherever he finds them.

Maps, directions and scorecards available for only $9.99 plus shipping and handling.

(Response)

Putting aside for a moment my despair at your tortured syntax and circular logic, a few questions remain:

Are we to bring our sleeping bags, towels and, in my case at least, a wash cloth pre-soaked with my favorite ointment? or will the heat be on in the Palatial Estate and we be doing sheets, towels, and, in my case, one well used wash cloth on Sunday? And wouldn't it make more sense for Donna to run up the hill real early Sunday morning to make our coffee and breakfast, rather than tend to the lingering needs and wants of Jxxxxx and Lxx? I thought she loved us!? And how old is that kid, anyway?

Now about your writing. They let you write contracts over there on Van Buren? I'm seeing no more than six degrees of separation between that fact and the current state of the economy.

And it's "God Forbid - Another Freaking Operation!" Prince Lyle the Magnificent, thank you very much.

Boydski - You're welcome to ride up Saturday morning with the Putting Fool and me. We're leaving Ahwatukee at 6:45 and could easily swing by for your tattered, tawdry ass.